Sunday, 27 May 2018

BEING THE SINGLE FRIEND

I think it's fair to say that as human beings, we have a lot of shit to deal with throughout our lives. The most consistent things seem to be death, heartbreak or something so simple like the emails we get from Prince whats-his-name waiting to send you a bajillion dollars because you are the CHOSEN ONE... it's all the same shit.

My one particular issue that we all go through is called being single, yeah I know, woe is me. I know, being single is such a miniscule thing that everyone and their dogs go through but it's something that I actually have a massive issue with. I'm just going to slow it down a bit for a few people, this is not a blog post dedicated to all the men out there telling them that I'm super desperate for love, affection and the occasional day trip to the llama farm (ok, I'm pretty desperate for the trip to the llama farm but that's not the point).

The main issue that I face with being single is all the patronising and segregated situations that comes with it. Don't get it twisted, It's not like I'm desperate for love - in fact, I'm pretty happy with being on my own but there are a few things that irk me beyond belief about the way I've been treated because I'm single. This post is for my single gals out there who are segregated, pushed a side and constantly patronised for our 'lifestyle' ( cue eye roll). 

SINGLE + FOREVER ALONE = GAY 

Being the single one amongst your friends isn't a hard thing to deal with because it's not something I choose to focus on but, it does open up the topic of conversation of my love life. Obvs it's great to talk about these things as it can be a quite interesting conversation because 9 times out of 10, it's just pure gossip and who doesn't love gossip right? However, when it gets deep or when I'm introduced to new people, I have on the odd occasion been asked about my sexuality.

Because I'm single and I'm not sleeping around it must mean that I'm gay, surely? No babes. It's not like the question just blurts out of their mouths because they can't help themselves but people feel the need to ask because they think in some way, they're helping (cue obligatory eye roll here). Honest to god, this was said to me and I was like, helping with what hun? Coming out of the closet? Oh, behave.

I'm single and that's totally normal and ok so, I have no idea where people get this 'they're single so they must be unhappy/gay/lonely' mentality. It's pure ignorance and if you've ever wanted to ask me this question, don't. It's rude and in my opinion, whether I'm gay, straight, blue or green, it doesn't matter what my 'preference' is because if I'm happy and content with my life - single or in a relationship - then it surely doesn't matter?


DOES BEING SINGLE MEAN NO MARRIAGE, KIDS OR HAPPY LIFE?

I remember when I was a bit younger, around 18 years old when I was having a catch up with a friend and the topic of relationships came up, as it normally does. The conversation ended up pretty heated because they had asked me if I was scared that I will never get married. I was pretty taken back by that question to be honest with you because 1.why would I even be thinking of marriage at the age of 18 and 2. why does being single mean I'm on this doomed warpath of loneliness with the threat of also becoming a spinster? The conversation at this point went completely south and the possibility of having children was also brought up... 'Surely, if you leave it too long or don't find anybody, you won't be able to have children or you'll be like, a really old mum'. 

Your point is babe? 

Being single (especially at my young and immature age) isn't going to stop me from having any of those things. In fact, my mum didn't push me out until she was 38 and shes now 60 so... is being an old mum a bad thing? Nah. The marriage thing doesn't really bother me tbh, I'm not that girl who has a wedding album in their closet or who have had their dream day planned out since they were 2 so, if it doesn't happen then whatever init. 

People are allowed to have their opinions (even if they are completely dumb opinions but whatever) but I feel like I get judged and slightly pushed aside because I'm not in a relationship. It's almost as if I have to force relationships in order to fit in with my friends or to be included in conversations. I can't tell you how many times I've been excluded from couples trips to the pub or purposely pushed out of conversations because I apparently don't relate to relationship life. Don't get me wrong, it's not done on purpose and when I tell my friends how I feel, they're incredibly apologetic. However, it's one of those things that truly get me down because in some way I just feel like an alien and somewhat a burden.


THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

If I'm having a bit of a down day about my singleness, I do tend to turn to my friends for advice or words of encouragement because that's what they're there for right? They're there to convince me that I'm pretty and that I'm not this horrible looking blob that's incapable of finding someone to put up with me. But, we have got to stop giving out the same cliche advice and words of wisdom to the single girls because it's actually not advice at all, it's patronising little sentences that we all say to people when we have no idea what to say. It's terms like 'don't worry, you'll find someone soon - just give it time' or 'the right guy will come around when you least expect it' that really grinds my gears. Yes, they sound helpful and totally uplifting but in my opinion, they make me feel 100x worse. 

Yes, I know that's pretty controversial but these classic phrases are to me, pretty patronising and they have no meaning behind it. They're mostly said by those that have been in a relationship since they left the womb or by people who actually couldn't give a toss about your relationship worries. It's also one of those things to say when you don't really know what else to say, it's a bit of a conversation finisher for me personally as all it says to me is that my friend can't help me or that she doesn't care. 

Let me tell you whats wrong with it... I don't want to be told that I have to wait for the right person to come along because I have waited, I've waited, waited and waited my whole life and I've had no success. It's like waiting in the Mcdonalds queue waiting for my order to be taken but I never get to the till, I then start to wonder if I'm ever gonna get my Big Mac meal with an apple pie on the side... you get me? 


LIKE THE DRESS? SHOP IT HERE...

Listen honeys, I'm incredibly chill with being single. I just have an issue with others attitudes towards it but, what can I do? I know I said that this post was for my single gals but really, it's for everyone. I want this post to tell all the single people out there that it's ok to be on your own but I also want to encourage those who may be in a relationship or trying to help a single friend out, that you just gotta  treat your friends with the same attitude and sympathy that would any other person. Pretty standard and simple right?

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4 comments

  1. ALL OF THIS!!

    I found exactly the same when I was single (and even when I haven't been!). It's so strange how every person and their aunt feels the need to weigh in on your personal life. I rarely share photos of my boyfriend and I and that's the way I've always been: private! But as time goes on and I continue to rarely share photos of us together, friends and family message me with things like, 'single again?' or 'when will you find a nice boy?' and it's completely inappropriate whether I'm with somebody or not. I absolutely LOVED being single and really felt no obligation personally to find a boyfriend, but it's sad that nobody else felt the same for me and instead felt sorry for me. Alone doesn't mean lonely, people! Anyway! I digress. Love you, sending you several cute llamas xx

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  2. Girl your words are so powerful to read, beyond belief. Because you’re my babe and because I truly know you for who you are, this blog post is the realest you ever. The way you write is just so you, so true and so funny and that’s what I love about you. You are such a beautiful human, seriously. Oh and, nice pics btw ;) xxx

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  3. LOVED this post. So glad you got it all out! Being single or in a relationship doesn't define who you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I am honestly so shocked that people say this kinda stuff to you, another cliche saying haha but... it honestly says more about them than you, so keep doing you girl, cos I wouldn't want you any other way! Also, you look beaut xxx

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  4. Babe I absolutely adore this post! You're always true to yourself and anybody that defines you but your relationship status isn't worth your time...especially those that just to conclusions or make you feel shitty about it. As long as you're happy that's all that matters. Also OI OI FITTY.

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